Parenting Style

The Detriment of Parenting by Default

When it comes to parenting, many people do not believe they need any form of Parenting Education to start raising their children. Parenting by default means to rely only on intuition to parent children. It also refers to parenting your children just the way your own parents parented you.

The use of the word ‘default’ in the context of this article is adopted from the use of that word in computer programing. The default setting on a computer program is a preselected option adopted when no alternative is specified by the user. Hence parenting by default is parenting children just the way it seems right to you. However what seems right to you may not be the best way or method. It may even be a counterproductive or destructive method.

You may be Sincerely Mistaken

For example, many parents believe the best way to parents their children is just to shower them with love, more love and more approval. Unfortunately such parents define ‘love’ as providing as much stuff for children as much as possible. In response they buy variety of toys and other sophisticated gadgets and computer games for their children to entertain themselves with. Experience have shown, however, that unrestrained access to toys and games, available for playing by the child in an uncensored environment is ultimately detriment to the child’s welfare. For parents who indulge their children this way, spending quality time with such children becomes secondary as they believe once they provide the necessary finance for schooling, clothing, food, shelter and entertainment, that this is all what good parenting entails.

If such parents had just taken a pause and decided to get a little Parenting Education they would have known that delicate balancing is necessary when it comes to parenting. Unfortunately, one can never get such parents to attend advertised parenting webinars or read an article or book on parenting. They hide under the cloak of being busy with their careers or business. By the time the dust settles and their children have become adults, they realize they have only raised broken children.

Michael Jackson was Parented by Default

There are many ways our default parenting style can tilt to the negative side of the parenting edge, such that psychological devastation becomes the dominant experience of such children. An example that readily comes to mind is Joe Jackson, the father of the now deceased pop star, Michael Jackson. Joe believed erroneously, in accordance with his default parenting style, that all he needed to parent his children well was to develop and tap into their musical talents as early as possible in their childhood. He therefore embarked on an aggressive and regimented plan to develop his children’s musical talent, creating the opportunity and exposure they needed to become a successful international musical group. His intense training and effort led to the birth of the musical group known as the Jackson five, a group that dominated the music charts in the 60’s and 70’s. Michael was particularly vulnerable because he was the most talented. Once his father noted this, and in other to force him into a mode that will be most financially rewarding to the family,

Before and after of Michael Jackson: battered, bruised and broken by bad parenting

Michael was made to endure hours of rigorous rehearsals as early as when he was six years old. It was reported that he was severely beaten with scars showing on his body whenever his father notice him playing with his friends or if he ever came for rehearsals for as late as three minutes.

The Man Died

Yes, Michael eventually became a successful, internationally acclaimed musician, but he was a broken man. He had lost his childhood through his father’s attempt to make a merchandise of him. He got addicted to plastic surgery and drugs. He eventually died on 25th June, 2009 at the age of fifty of cardiac arrest, as a result of acute propofol and benzodiazepine intoxication. These were drugs wrongly administered to him by his doctor because of his inability to sleep. In the course of his life he exhibited several other psychological problems typical of a person who had a traumatic childhood. He lamented that his father never allowed him to have a normal childhood and he tried unsuccessfully throughout his life to recreate and relive his lost childhood.

What will you do?

If only Joe Jackson had taken a little time to get some Parenting Education, he would have known better how to parent Michael by providing a balanced childhood for him. The question is, what about you? Will you decide to get some Parenting Education by reading the articles, parenting books and by attending advertised webinars on different aspects of parenting? The deliberate little efforts and steps you take today will save you years of heart ache and prevent you from seeing your children broken as adults. Please let us all stop parenting by default and get the needed Parenting Education.